Keeping Up With The Kardashians: “Everyone’s gonna wear white. Just like a spa. Or an insane asylum.”

Have you noticed there hasn’t been a single repeat of Keeping Up With The Kardashians since the season began? I was almost certain they’d roll one out this past weekend because we all needed a break after that epic Greece three parter, but no. A recapper’s work is never done. Not only was there a new episode, it was stuffed to the gills with things that resembled actual drama!

First up, let’s address the obvious fluff piece portion of the episode before we move on to meatier fare. It was Khloe’s and Lamar’s 4th anniversary, and Khloe was planning something extra special. (SPOILER: it’s gonna involve LATEX.) It seems like only yesterday, Khloe and Lamar’s wedding was splashed all over the front page of every gossip rag in the nation. Four years later, and the only person in this relationship that’s getting any tabloid coverage is Lamar’s secret mistress, who I don’t think actually exists.

Meanwhile, preparations were being made for Kim and Kanye’s new digs at Casa de Jenner. Kris seems to continue to suffer under the delusion that Kim and Kanye will move in with her after the baby comes, but I don’t think that ever actually happened. Kanye is a bazillionaire, he doesn’t need to crash with his faux in-laws. Even so, there was a ridiculous amount of redecorating going on. Kendall and Kylie were not crazy about the idea of three new life forms moving into their cozy Calabasas digs, and they were even less crazy about the constant influx of people traipsing through the house 24/7. Things became even more unappealing when Kris declared she was putting the house on lockdown for the first 40 days of new babydom, in order to create a totally zen environment for the Kimye spawn.
That particular stroke of Kris Jenner genius gave Kendall the idea that she should bounce a little early from the old homestead, now that it was basically becoming an upscale hostel for the insanely rich and famous. Kendall is very nearly 18, and it’s almost time for her to spread her wings and flap away as North West threatens to push her out of the nest.

Kendall and Kylie weren’t the only ones who are unhappy about this situation. Once a baby pink Vespa magically appeared in Bruce Jenner’s garage, Bruce officially started getting pissed. Kris clearly didn’t ask Bruce before inviting Kim, Kanye and baby, which isn’t at all surprising. That’s three quarters of the Jenner family that don’t want to roomshare with Kim and Kanye. Three quarters of the family whose opinions count for almost nought!

But there was a silver lining for Bruce…of sorts. As you probably remember from last week’s episode, the Jenner boys were really gung-ho about giving Bruce a putting green. Everyone knows this is totally gonna be a thing between Kris and Bruce, and yet, the ball keeps rolling. The siblings and step-siblings had a final meeting of the minds to make sure everyone is on board for Bruce’s putting green, because it takes this much pre-planning to circumvent a complete Kris Jenner meltdown. (We still won’t completely avoid one, of course. For obvious reasons.) The green was supposed to be a surprise of sorts, even though Bruce had essentially plotted out the whole thing himself.